(by Leadbelly)

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(by Mike West - Laundry Camp intro. by RK)

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Mazal, Mazal, she’s only four feet tall
But she shines so bright she lights up this whole room
And she laughs so loud it bounces off the moon
When I first met her that fine fall,
I said, here’s a girl who’s got it all

Mazal, Mazal, she’s running down the hall
Her smile’s so bright it’s like staring at the sun
The Tooth Fairy’s got her teeth, two more than one
When she’s around it feels like June
She made me want to write this tune

Mazal, Mazal, you’re driving me up the wall
Please let me sing these lines I wrote for you
I’ll write one for your little sister, too
‘Cause I know that when she gets bored
Your sister chews the telephone cord

Mazal, Mazal, she’s sweet but that’s not all
Sometimes even she gets in a bad mood
She scowls and glares and, man, that girl can brood
You better take to the hills above
Yeah, you’d better be careful of

Mazal, Mazal, she’s only four feet tall
But she shines so bright she lights up this whole room
And she laughs so loud it bounces off the moon
Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall
She’s the girl who’s got it all, Mazal

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No, nothing. No, nothing
I know nothing and you know nothing
They know nothing and we know nothing
No, nothing at all

I got two pet cats at home
One of them’s name is Muffin
Muffin is a really, really good cat
She just sits on the windowsill all day long
Soaking up the sun and purring like this
Pththththththth
And when she licks your finger
It feels like sandpaper
She’s the archetypal cat
But I got another cat
And his name is Nothing
It’s not that he doesn’t have a name
It’s N-O-T-H-I-N-G
Sometimes I spell it N-O-T-H-I-N
Then I add an apostrophe

No, nothing. No, nothing
I know nothing and you know nothing
They know nothing and we know nothing
No, nothing at all

Now as I said Muffin is very well behaved
But Nothing is totally depraved
The other day I came home
And he was climbing halfway up my window curtain
And he was reaching out with his paw
And his claw was treacherously close
To the Chagall lithograph I inherited from my grandma
And when I saw his paw and his claw
I said, No!

No, nothing. No, nothing
I know nothing and you know nothing
They know nothing and we know nothing
No, nothing at all

I also got a pet monkey at home
And his name is Kqxhc
That’s spelled K-Q-X-H-C
He was raised by ducks
His mama was a duck
And his papa was a duck
And when it came time to raise him
They said, How about Kqxhc?
Now he’s come to live with me
Well that’s another story entirely
Suffice it to say that Kqxhc
Is a very, very, very, very, very hungry monkey
The other day when Kqxhc woke up
He said, I want a muffin
I said, What? You want to eat Muffin the cat?
No way, man
We got rules against things like that
Kqxhc said, I didn’t mean Muffin the cat
I meant like a corn muffin or a raisin bran muffin
Or even a blue-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-oohberry muffin
I said, What do you think this is? The Muffin Store?
We don’t just got muffins of all flavors
Laying around for the taking
So Kqxhc said, Well then what’s in the ‘fridge
When we opened the refrigerator do you know what was in there?
A box of baking soda left over by the previous tenant
And some soy sauces and hot mustards
And a bunch of duck sauces, too
Well when Kqxhc saw the duck sauces
He said, What’s with the duck sauce?
Hey, where are my folks anyway?
And I said, No, it’s got nothing to do with ducks
It’s from the Chinese restaurant
I keep telling them I don’t need more sauce
But they don’t understand
They just keep sending it to me anyway
And I feel bad throwing it away
I don’t want to waste food
And so I keep putting it in the ‘fridge
And it keeps piling up
Well Kqxhc said, I’m not buying that
I lost my appetite
I think I’ll just have nothing
I said, What?! You’re not even hungry
And now you want to eat my cat Nothing?
Just because he’s a bit depraved
And not as well behaved as Muffin
Doesn’t mean you can eat him and—
Kqxhc interrupted me and said
I didn’t mean Nothing the cat
I meant nothing at all!

No, nothing. No, nothing
I know nothing and you know nothing
They know nothing and we know nothing
No, nothing at all

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(by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller)

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(by Hank Williams)

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(by Randy Kaplan & Brian Schey)

It's big, it's red, it's metal with water
It's big, it's red, it's metal with water

The fire engine comes and puts out the flames
The fire engine comes and puts out the flames

Wherever there's a fire to be had
Striped or solid, polka dot or plaid
You can hear that siren-spinning sound
Wherever there's a fire to be found

It's big, it's red, it's metal with water
It's big, it's red, it's metal with water

The fire engine comes and puts out the flames
The fire engine comes and puts out the flames

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(by Dale Kaplan)

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I was home eating some watermelon the other day
And I was spittin' out the pits into a little dish like this:
Ptt. Ptt. Ptt. Ptt. Ptt. Ptt. Ptt. Ptt.
By the time I was done the dish was filled to the brim with pits
So I got up to throw the watermelon rind in the compost pile
But something caught my attention
It was a big red bug that had come to alight on my windowsill
She looked like a ladybug but she had no spots
She was completely devoid of polka-dots

And she looked like a piece of cherry Pez
And she looked like the felt on my fez
And she looked like a square of cinnamon gum
And she looked like a raspberry cobbler crumb
And she looked like the pedal of a red, red rose
And she looked like the reflector pedal of my bicyle, I suppose
She looked like a toenail painted red
And she looked like my sunburnt bald head
Yeah, she looked just like a red ink blotch
She was a ladybug without spots

And she said, Yeah, yeah, what are you looking at?
I know I ain't got no spots
I don’t look like my family and I don’t look like my friends
I've searched the earth from one end to the other
Looking for spots so I can look like my sister and my brother
I’m just about ready to give up
I mean, why can’t I--

And all of a sudden she froze
She was looking at my dish of watermelon pits
And she said, Hey! I got an idea!
Why don't you glue some of those seeds onto my back?
Then I'll look like my family and my friends
I said, Those seeds aren’t even circular
They’re oblong. They look like footballs. They’ll never—-
But she interrupted me there saying, They’re close enough!
Glue 'em on!
And so I got my glue out of the drawer
And I glued some seeds onto her back
And then I glued some more
When I was done I looked at her and she looked at me
And I held up a hand-held mirror so she could see
What it was that she looked like

And she looked like a freckly face
And she looked like black stars in red space
And she looked like a polka dot dress
And she looked like she had the chicken pox, yes!
And she looked like a pair of crimson dice
And she looked like, well, a watermelon slice
And she looked like a round checkerboard
And she looked like a leopard. Oh Lord!
She asked for dots and that’s what she got
She was a ladybug with spots

Well, the ladybug flew out my window into the rain
And as she flew she looked like the caboose of a train
But the glue that I used must have not been very strong
Because the rain washed the spots off her back
And they fell right onto my back lawn
And I sang this song:

Up gonna sprout a watermelon tree
There'll be watermelons just for me
Up gonna sprout a watermelon tree
There'll be watermelons just for me, for free!

So the ladybug flew away without any spots on her back
But she looked like herself
That’s an undeniable fact

She looked like a slice of strawberry cake
No, she looked more like a red pepper flake
And she looked like one of those little laser dots
And she looked like a cherry stem knot
She looked like this cough drop in the palm of my hand
No, she looked more like the flag of Japan
Without spots she was no smoke, just all flame
You’d never be able to spot her at a St. Louis Cardinals' game
And she looked just like a single Red Hot
She was a ladybug without spots
She was a ladybug without spots
She was a ladybug without spots

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(Traditional)

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We're out on the rooftop
Picking loquats off the trees
Loquats are round and yellow
Bigger than yellow jackets and bumble bees

Cindy eats loquats and throws the pits on the ground
The air is so hot and there is not a cloud around

Loquats are mysterious
Maybe you've seen them once or twice
Loquats grow on my friend's trees
He lets me eat them free he's nice

Linda eats loquats
And throws the pits at Gregg
The pit of a loquat
Bounces off the knee of his left leg

We're out on the rooftop
And it's a sunny day in town
Our fingers are sticky and
From our faces loquat juice is dripping down

Loquat, loquat, loquat rooftop

We eat loquats
And throw the pits at Mel
We throw a whole lot
And so she barks 'cause she can't yell

You can go buy kumquats
Or you can come with me
Up to the rooftop
And we'll eat loquats that are free

Loquat, loquat, loquat rooftop

We all eat loquats
And throw the pits away
The air is so hot
But we got it made with a loquat tree
And I want to stay with the loquat tree
Under the shade of a loquat tree today

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(by Randy Kaplan & Gregg Rogen)

The sour song
The sour song
This is the sour song
It's all ours
And it's all rong

It goes out of key
It changes cords
And rhyhthm too
It goes out of key
It changes cords
Do you think ewe could do it better?

The sour song
The sour song
This is the sour song
It's all ours
And it's all rongg

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(Traditional)

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If you have nothing nice to say
Don't say anything at all
Don't say anything at all

There's so much good in the worst of us
And so much bad in the best of us
That it doesn't behoove any of us
To talk about the rest of us

So if you have nothing nice to say
Don't say anything at all
Don't say
Anything at all

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(by Charles Strouse & Martin Charnin)

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Goodbye
Fare thee well and so long
This is my last song
I gotta be moving along
Yeah, I gotta get going
I gotta get gone

You can dance all day
You can dance all night
You can laugh when you dance
You can cry, it's alright
You can dance on the grass and the dirt
But don't dance in your bath
You might slip and bump your head
And don't dance on your bed
Don't even jump on your bed
Remember what happened to those five little monkeys who jumped on their bed?
Well you don't want to end up like them, believe me

Goodbye
Fare thee well and so long
This is my last song
I gotta be moving along
Yeah, I gotta get going
Yeah, I gotta get gone

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